I have this feeling that my productive mood doesn't kickstart until I'm deep into a topic. As if i need several hours of soaking and understanding context before my brain really kicks in and decides to start making decisions.

Yesterday this came to my mind:

There are two interesting things here:

• That golf-stick representation of my productivity is according to my standard of what's acceptable – unfortunately, I don't have a lot of other people in my field that I know personally to compare.

• Similarly, the personal expectations line is at a level where I would be happy with someone working with me. Ideally, I either lower my expectations or somehow learn to kickstart decision-making on uncertain scenarios.

The only certain variable I can control is the X-axis – time spent. This probably means saying no to more things that I would be comfortable with, and doing a deep dive on what I want to do with the non-obsessive time.

This reality in my head forces me to be focused on 1 thing at a time in my life to have the feeling that I'm giving it my all. The times I've tried to balance several things it did indeed feel as I wasn't really achieving anything in any of them, but this might be again my distorted expectations of what it means to achieve.